Personal Savior

[I planned on blogging much more about my trip to Seattle.  Truth turned out to be that I wrote so much I couldn’t keep track of what to share.  And when I finally did get it all out on paper, I felt to write further was too tiring.  Here is my current update]---

I hear Sarah playing “Gloria” by Patti.  It echoes down the hall to play in my room.
G-L-O-R-I-A

So I am moving.  I plan to move by the end of August. 
I am all sorts of scared.
But I want nothing more than to walk right into the mouth of my fears to be swallowed and spat back out when my monster realizes I am stronger than it.  As fearful as I am, I am so glad for this chance to be afraid.  I’ve not felt this alive in quite some time.

So much is being created in my mind. 
I have checklists. 
I have all sorts of sorting.
I am going to have to go through my entire life of things. 
I am establishing myself, trying hard not to get distracted by those in fear of losing me.  They might be losing me in shell, yes.  But my shell has to go wandering out in search of my greater self – my essence – my spirit.  They are separated right now; I have to go find it. 

It’s okay to lose me in shell, it is just my exterior. 
Do they not know they lost my interior long ago? 
Why was there no funeral then?
I’ve been gone for so long, they don’t see.
I’ve been in my purgatory, about to enter the next life.
I am soon to give birth to my own being.  Just like God through Christ.  The story is not different.  I see I am one of my own Gods and certainly my only real savior. 
It’s time for the ultimate sacrifice. 
The baring of the cross upon my own back.
It’s time to die in order to save myself.